This was fun

                   So this is what happens when you and your hubby decide that you want to "do" more outdoors stuff. When you write it in the 'okay maybe we don't do New Years resolutions but we will do a wish list for the 2013 year and hope to accomplish one or two things on it'' list.  We decided that glamping would be a great way to ring in the summer and well if you imagine a sweet escape with everyone getting along and everyone loving one another. I did too. Needless to say, I was proved one thing. Never have expectations of these things.  Don't even let that photo above fool you. That is after we dealt our fare share of yucky attitudes and time outs and some "why did we think this would be a good idea" looks back and forth between the dad and I. 
  Here we are.  We drove to this here yurt. What is a yurt?

                                        Our big boys slept on this pull out. 

   Ready for this. Mom and Dad and little Roo slept on the bottom. G and E on top.  You just bring your own sheets. People...that's what I am talking about. 

 So, I have a very creative 12 year old. ((cough cough)) He thought it would be HILARIOUS  to read this guest book out loud to the kids and add more words such as "It was a great stay except for ...don't leave the yurt at night" or "nice stay but if you leave your yurt at night you will see tall people in the dark" to which I said "no way that's in there?!" J"Mom it totally is" so for the next few hours the kids were not the only one freaked out.  Until I decided to read it myself. Yeah.... so not in there.  So that was fun.

                  Some pretty trails around the yurt. 

  Then we drove here. It did not disappoint. It was amazing. Mt. St. Helens.  It was about one hour drive from our little yurt. 

  Then the stinky attitudes were full of fresh air and  gratitude. This mom was happy here. 

  We headed back after an adventurous time and took to the fire pit back at our campsite yurt.
                    Nice camp fire... oh the smell. 

  So this was interesting. This is part of my Camp board on pintrest. It didn't go so well, hobo popcorn. So it was a flop. 

  But the Smores. We tried Peanut butter cups and um..yummy. 

   We took time to really play a game together. I mean, priceless you guys. Just priceless. I didn't make an excuse of laundry, cleaning, working, etc. We just played.

The evening and morning were the next day:  Hungry kids:

   This worked out. Yummy Hebrew National dog wrapped with a biscuit over the fire. Yes, it works! 

            And This. I mean you would not believe it but if you mixed two eggs and a bunch of omelet fillings in a ziploc bag and throw that puppy in a pot of water. You get ... scroll below...

    A perfect omelet. I am serious this is complete awesomeness. 

We packed our things and were out on our next adventure. 

Here.  Ape Caves, have you even been? Do it.Much fun.

Last adventure here:

 This may not look too dangerous but I assure you. Death was at the bottom of the bridge and all my fear of children falling into water were very very heightened.  The suspension bridge at the Lava Canyon was extremely spectacular. 

Had a picnic right here in this spot. Right here. I know unreal right?

Our two hour and a few minutes ride back looked like this.  Filled with "are we there yet", "I need to go #2" after driving away from the bathroom, "I'm thirsty" "I'm hungry" "he hit me...MOOOOMMM he hit me" 

And then I spend those few hours searching more yurts and hikes we could do this summer.  Then I locked myself in the bathroom for some solitude.  It was worth it folks. 

What I never knew about parenting black children.

 I am a Hispanic woman raised much differently than my other half. Very different is an understatement.  I grew up in the Virgin Islands white people were the minority.   We had our ideas of what "white people" were about. How they dressed, how the talked and well ...how the raised their kids.  You could say we had preconceived ideas.  I meet my first white friend in 2nd grade. She was the only white kid in our entire school. I needed to make her feel welcomed and show her everything. I was also so curious about her, her hair, her crystal blue eyes like the beach, even the blonde hairs on her arm were amazing to me. We became insta-friends. I was her only friend.  Her mother worked at a local hotel.  One day right before the bus came she said "lets not go to school today!" We walked to the hotel instead and jumped on her bed and swam at the pool and sat in the A.C. (a novelty for us islanders) .  I asked if I could brush her hair. I had naturally curly hair and her hair glistened in the sun and was all flowy and stuff.  It was a super fun day getting to know all about my native friend. :)  Nope... schools never called to excuse absences it was lovely and I skipped more than my folks knew about.
 The next day we broke up because my grandmother found out I skipped (small island) and she came to the school to spank me in front of the class.  She told my new friend she would spank her too.  You guys this was normal to us. We got corporal  punishment from teachers, principals and our own parents were allowed to do it right there in the classroom.   Its was horrifying, and she never spoke to me again.  Not doing any favors for they way my family thought about "Americanos" or "white" Also she changed to private schools because she was not going to make it there. 

  I know about stereotypes. We moved to Florida while I was in High school and the tables were turned. I was the minority and it was the first time I had experienced any discrimination for my race. Being followed in shopping departments while we spoke Spanish as a family.  Being called wetback and spic to my face,  and some not getting there was a huge difference in Puerto Ricans and Mexicans. 
  
 When we decided to adopt internationally and a black child. I thought... I got this! I have had to deal with this before. Piece of cake. 
                                            UM......NO!
  See mostly you have to know me or really look at me to see that I have some Hispanic blood. My father is dark and my mother is very light.  Looking at me you could say I can hide my colors if I had to. 

             For  three of my children there is no hiding their skin color.

 They are black. Even if we want to give it cute names to almost soften the harshness of the word . Brown, Light brown. chocolate. You wont find those names on the box of a school application. You just wont. I get  it, some African Americans would rather be called African American and not black and some would rather just black and well there is that uncomfortable situation where people don't know what to say.      I go with what we know they will be called out there and that is black.  The more we say that out loud I think the more we get people more comfortable saying that word. 
                                       Its not a bad word. 

        What I didn't know about raising black kids:

1) They would struggle so much with being different.   My girls want hair that flows,  they want to  be like everyone else. No matter how many times I tell them they are beautiful just the way they are.  The struggle with being the minority.  I try to down play it as much as I can by not saying anything but they bring it up. "mom what if you got me just get me a wig and I hate that I don't have green eyes.'' While yes so much of this is a girl thing, we all want what we don't have, but these girls live in a world where  their  differences will be very present and evident. I need to be better at this about Celebrating their Ethnicity. 

2)How much color really does matter.  I learned in sociology class about a theory I even would proclaim before I realized what I was doing. Its called the melting pot theory a metaphor describing society of different cultural backgrounds and color and race just melting into one big gigantic pot.  I would say things like "American is this great big melting pot."  The problem with this thought is that whatever you were you just blended and merged into one instead of combining to make like a salad or even a mosaic. Not loosing your heritage and your individuality but existing to be apart of the big picture.   When I hear people say they don't see color its  like saying to me my kids are in that melting pot.  I don't want them to melt away their identity. I want to celebrate it.   Color matters. No matter. They will always be seen as black I don't want to change that but I can not pretend its not something that will judge their character to some too. 

3) How much it would bother my half and half kids.  I didn't realize it would bother them so much to see other kids stare at the kids (just out of being curious)  I hear things like "I wish they would stop staring already." I am used to the looks mostly its out of curiosity alone.  I had no idea they would be offended that they were being looked at too. It never occurred to me to be honest of how that would affect them.  Its when things are voiced to them where I see it more. Such as "that can't be your sister you are white and your mom is and she is black.''  Listen I have a ton of grace when little kids say this. They are asking because they are curious its always gives me an opportunity to talk to kids about how God makes families in different ways.  I am older and more mature and I am able to voice it this way, my older boys just want to say "stop staring!'' We are working on this we really are. 

4) How strong I would be for them.   Its true.  I am a chicken in so many areas but this one I take so seriously. I had no idea how I would get offended for them when they are discriminated against for the color of their skin.   This is not an every day event at all.  I don't experience this from my friends or families, luckily. It does  happens in other situations of life.  By professionals that lack tact and sensitivity.   Sometimes I don't even know its happening because I am truly giving the benefit of the doubt.  Just recently it happened and my mama bear claws were ready at will if needed.  We will come to this again soon, its just what it is. My big prayers is that I don't fire unless most definitely needed.  Being as gracious as I can be but firmly backing them as much as I have to. Because they will be doing it alone one day.   My cute brown boy may one day be the Big Black man that walks in the parking lot and the people lock their doors. It will happen, I am not naive. This is the world we live in, I don't ever see it being gone forever. 

 Look at this face. Look at this sweetness. Does he even know that my dream was to help him? 

    

               

Week of the doctors

This week was the week of the doctors. The panic of Oh the kids will be off school I better hurry up and make those appointments so I don't have to lug all the kids to each one panic. 
  So we did them.  Can I also say that I went to the dentist 30 minutes earlier just so I can sit in a clean room. With a fancy fireplace and with no children. Amen? 

Oh BUT. The fancy doctor had a fancy big screen that made the photos of your teeth super size so, um, why was I not warned? I would have say ...flossed.

By the way the dentist old me I had a bit of a crooked smile and well that's all I see in the mirror now. Thank you fancy pants dentist. 

Also I have something called Melasma  so basically I have age spotty looking skin on my face know to affect Hispanic women.  Get this the advertisement  says this:

So I may have bought it to make me look %61 more attractive. Uh wouldn't you?  I will let you know how it works.

sandwiched somewhere in between there was a field trip involved. 

Also This. 

The on in the green in mine. He found a love for baseball and while I think its the most boring sport to watch it makes it so much better watching him. Every time he goes to bat he says this to the catcher (and if you know about baseball I don't need to explain the catcher catches for the other team!)  "hey dude, you are doing, good keep it up! Makes this mama proud. 

This one mastered his multiplication and division facts and this is a major deal.

Did I ever tell you that I am terrible at keeping up with the hair care in this house. It was time for some beautification on Gs part and well her you go. 

beautiful is she not?

Oh right. Started football conditioning. This is my very favorite sport to watch so we are good here. Little giddy over football season coming up.

Oh how I love him

 I love this one. Fiercely and with every single fiber of me. I love him.  My second born. 
  On Friday we got some tough news about him. New Diagnosis. 

Questions answered but plenty of heartache for this mama. Just want him to be whole.  Just want him to not struggle. To just be. 

   He entered into this world to a mama that would go to bat for him. Sometimes we don't know what we are doing. I can say this, the love, the vigorous promising love is enough to get us to the next. 
   

And so we enter this summer with new therapies at home and at new therapist. We enter with Grace with goodness with determination that through this grand love we will get thought this too. 

Yesterday Little Hudson would be 7

We never know what to do for birthdays of our baby boy taken from the earth far too soon. We usually go with what feels right.   Yesterday was a harder day than normal for us. We could not figure exactly why. Its been 7 years and since then we have added 3 new people to our little now big family.  In 7 years we have moved out of Washington back to Washington and well there have been a ton of changes for us. We both have gone though some pretty raw changes in our lives both spiritually and emotionally.   Seven years I believe was a reflection. 

   There were no birthday cakes for our boy yesterday. No one called to wish him a happy birthday  but I did get sweet texts and messages from family and friends and that means so much to us. 

   Yesterday both Frank and I drove to his cemetery held hands as we stood over his grave. Emotions just washed over me for a minute. We said no words just held each other and after about 5 minutes we sighed hard and walked away. 

                   All day yesterday I would go through moments of rough grief. I would look inside Huddys (my sweet friend Lindsey nicked named this and ...well...it stuck) box. 

Trying to see if the hat he wore still carried his scent. Closing my eyes and remembering the tender moments we had with him, the countless times we rolled him into surgery and the wait during.  Then the times that followed the deep grief.  The good parts. The parts where we had tremendous helpers.  

                                                

 It bothered my why this one was worse than the 6 the 5 the 4 even the 1.  I began to Google if 7 years has any significance . It does . Psalm 12:6

 The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. 

Psalms 12:6

   

          Turns out that 7 in bible time is the year of completion. 

 The completion of his creation.  On the 7th day he rested, 7th day he completed his work.  

    

   If you ever loose a child you will know there is no healing from this. There is always a hole in your heart no matter what you do. 

Its not a lack of faith its just living here on earth its part of the deal heart break. 

   I know 7 doesn't mean that my brokenness is completed. I am really not sure what it mean to be honest. I do know that we feel his life served a HUGE purpose in our day today.  We would not have ever adopted had Hudson been with us.  Our family was completed by his life. That is what this means to me and the reflection of that yesterday was not forgotten.    I wish I could just smell his hair one more time.  just once. 

A long over due one

Its been three months since my last post. I know I know. I hardly ever sit with a lap top anymore. Its a mobile world and so I have my iphone on the go and well try writing a blog on that. So here are some photos of whats been going on over here.  Let  me start by telling you I got to by with my  Best friend for one week straight. No interruptions.   I am sorry you may want to hit me after viewing these photos. Kauai was amazing.

   In one week we reconnected, held hands tons and made out in public. I just grossed you out right.  I have a ton of more photos but I think for know you may already be done.  We don't ever want to vacation anywhere else Aloha!